mommies have tantrums too

Funny how this morning all was well and then two hours goes by and I want to take off my mommy hat and burn it. I've sent the boy to his room twice already this morning and thrown a mommy tantrum and the baby gets the benefit of seeing it all, absorbing every juicy detail of how *not* to act. When I get overwhelmed with the way the boy acts, I try to channel my inner teacher (how will his Montessori teachers handle similar situations when he begins school in the fall?). After several attempts of calm and collected, I usually lose it. A few minutes ago the boy swings a shirt around, swacking me with it while I try to help the baby get dressed. I ask that he stop, he continues. I explain it hurts when he hits and to please stop. He continues. I say, with tension now, that if he hits me once more he will have a time out. Of course, he hits me. Instead of calmly standing and guiding him to his room, as I realize now would've been the best action, my animal self comes out (I didn't even know I had one 'til I had children) and I grab the shirt and proceed to hit the floor with it, so hard my hand begins to hurt. I'm yelling in frustration, too. Something odd I've noticed when I have a tantrum is that as soon as I start it comes from an uncontrollable place but very quickly I realize what I'm doing and instead of stopping, I make the conscious decision to keep hitting the carpet (or hitting the light switch or yelling loudly). It feels physically good to get the aggression out and then once it's over, a mere 10 seconds or so later, I feel calm and rational...clear headed. After the mommy tantrum I usually say something about how mommy shouldn't throw things or yell. I explain how mommy became overwhelmed/angry/sad, whatever. Many times I'll realize my body needs to get the frustration out and I should make it silly instead of possibly frightening to the children and I'll start dancing like a monkey. I have no clue where these outbursts come from. I wasn't spanked or abused as a child. My parents are calm and rational. I enjoyed parenting my infant but when I became pregnant with my second child and my son became a 2 year old, both of our temperaments changed. I know he mirrors my positive and negative attitudes so it is vitally important I stay centered and sensitive, but he is often intense and difficult to handle and doesn't transition well into new environments and I'm finding it all maddening.