turning 30

Welcome readers. Whether anyone will be reading these writings of mine, no one can say. But, perhaps I can reap some therapeutic benefit from this experiment just the same. I will begin by stating I am now a member of the esteemed 30 Year Old Club, as of yesterday. A few people have asked how I feel about this age and I can't seem to grasp anything concrete. The whole year I was 29, I thought 30 would be dandy and I envisioned being wiser and having more in common with my slightly older friends. Then as the impending day approached I felt a little, er, anxious. I have little problem getting older but when I think of my age in terms of others, it gets weird. For example, when my oldest child turns 30, I will be 57. Now from my 30 year old perspective, that freaks me out. How will my life experiences alter who I am today to create a 57 year old me? Twenty seven years is a long time away and the amount of heartache, adventures, joy, etc that lay ahead is yet to be created and mind boggling. I'm overwhelmed with how my children, now 3 1/2 and 1, will grow into 30ish year old adults...
Side note: I claim no religion and consider myself to be a pagan influenced agnostic who can lean towards atheism from time to time, but PLEASE GOD/GODDESS/UNIVERSE, PROTECT MY CHILDREN! Oh, the things I've done and escaped from in my life...I can only hope they will be as lucky as myself to get to the fabulous age of 30. End side note.
One of the things I've noticed about myself is that I can feel mature and in control around some people but young and naive around others. There is a certain type of friend I attract that is very easy for me to be around and, though it is difficult to explain the reason, I've been attracted to this type since elementary school. Then there's the type of person I want to be friends with, very badly, but feel nervous and dumb, beneath their intelligence and very young. Maybe its as simple as feeling someone who is older than me is untouchable and iconic yet someone who is younger than me can benefit from my "wisdom".
Hmm, I fear the cohesiveness of my writing slipping away. Back to square one: I'm 30 and I'm okay. My husband and I threw a party last night to celebrate my entering a new decade. I was pleased with the friends that came but wished I had invited more people. I wanted a shindig with serious drunks and serious embarrassing stories being revealed. Alas, all my friends are parents themselves and just my husband and I were left eating fancy cheese by 1:30 a.m. But being alone and a little tipsy in a pretty dress has its benefits as well...it was 3:30 a.m. before I collapsed from fabulous 30 year old sex.