I escaped for half an hour

And what did I do? I cleaned cat litter. But, I did it without children and that was enough of a vacation as any. Today I had an intense desire to be by myself that felt like a burning in my gut. I feel that burn and remember to breathe deeply; oxygen is a good thing. I feel the tenseness in my shoulders and remember they should be back and relaxed, not near my ears like a tiger walking. Mothers or fathers who stay at home and are the primary caretaker of their children throughout the week don't get a lot of opportunities to be by themselves. At least, that's how it's been for me in the world I've created. When you do get the chance to go off by yourself, you realize how EASY it is to move one body around. Before stepping outside I grabbed my phone, keys and wallet. No diaper bag with drinks, snacks, diapers, wipes, change of clothes for both kids...just my stuff that takes no preparation. I climbed into the seat behind the wheel, turned the key in the ignition and drove off. I didn't need to air out the car so it'd the right temp for the kids, or open their doors and wait for the boy to climb up while strapping the baby in on the other side. There weren't any tears to calm or attitudes to check. Just me. I found a '90s rock station and turned it up; I wonder how common it is for parents to listen to bad adult music too loud just because its not Elmo raps the ABCs. I drove a few minutes away to a friend's house so I could take care of her three cats while she's away. I took both kids with me Friday and it wasn't worth the $5 I asked for per visit- not with them. The boy had a request to play in the back yard and repeated it the entire time we were there. The girl tried to "help" me clean the litter. The boy kept attempting to open the door which would let the cats out of the basement and into the rest of the house. The boy used his "dancing feet" on the cats which is a nice way to say he was chasing them. Both of the kids fought for footing on the steps. But not today. It was just me. Good thing, too, because the cats left three accidents for me to clean and I can imagine how the girl would've helped with that. The burning in my gut and the tightness in my shoulders forgotten, I came back home. They're back now though; must be one of those days.